Same Sex Relationships / Homosexuality
I find myself mostly attracted to women and very rarely deeply to a man. It bothers me a little.(Asked by a female disciple)
Sex is such a fundamental activity in nature that the ego of man started trying to get rid of it. The first thing I would like you to remember: sex is natural. There is no need to make any effort to get rid of it…although I know a moment comes when you transcend it, that is something totally different. It is not by your effort that you can get rid of it; if you try to get rid of it you will fall a victim of perversions. Because for centuries man has been trying to get rid of sex, he has created many kinds of perversions.
Homosexuality has come into existence because of repressive measures; it was born as a religious phenomenon, because of repressive moralities, because of thousands of years of separating man and woman into separate camps. In the colleges, in the schools, in the army, in the monasteries — everywhere men and women are kept apart. The natural outcome is going to be homosexualism, lesbianism, because the natural energy will try to find out some outlet. Homosexuality has arisen because we have deprived people of heterosexuality.
Homosexuality is bound to happen. It happens only in monasteries and in the army, because these are the two places where we don’t allow men and women to mix. Or it happens in boys’ and girls’ hostels; there also we don’t allow them to mix. The whole phenomenon of homosexuality is a by-product of this whole stupid upbringing. Homosexuality will disappear from the world the day we allow men and women to meet naturally.
From their very childhood we start separating them. If a boy is playing with girls we condemn him. We say, “What are you doing? Are you a sissy? You are a boy, you are a man! Be a man, don’t play with girls!” If a boy is playing with dolls we immediately condemn him: “This is for girls.” If a girl is trying to climb a tree we stop her immediately: “This is not right; this is against feminine grace.” If a girl tries and persists and is rebellious she is called a tomboy; she is not respected. We start creating these ugly divisions. Girls enjoy climbing trees; it is such a beautiful experience. And what is wrong in playing with dolls? A boy can carry dolls, because in life he will have to meet dolls and then he will be at a loss as to what to do!
We create these conditioning so deeply that out of so much conditioning sometimes people start revolting against them. Sex should be taken very naturally — we have been taking it very seriously. Either we condemn it as ugly, animalistic, or we raise it to something divine, but we never accept it as human and we never accept it as fun. Basically it is fun, it is a good sport! And humanity is going to remain burdened with ugly nonsense if we don’t accept its beauty as a sport. It is good physical activity too, and the best of exercises.
If you take it non-seriously, then there is no need to be worried even if you are attracted to women. Don’t be worried, because your worry is not going to help. It’s perfectly okay. In a really free world which is unconditioned by the primitive, ignorant past, in a really enlightened world, we will accept all these things. Yes, once in a while you may love a woman or a man. Nothing is wrong in it, because inside you both are there.
Each man is both a man and a woman, and each woman is both a woman and a man, because you are born out of the meeting of one man and one woman. So half of you comes from your father and half of you comes from your mother; part of you is man and part of you is woman.
So there is nothing much to be worried about. It may be that your man part is attracted towards other women, but because biologically you are a woman you feel afraid. No need to be afraid! Take things easily that is my basic approach. Take it easy. And by taking things easy one can go beyond them more comfortably, conveniently, quickly, than by taking things seriously. If you take them seriously you become entangled with them, you become burdened with them. And this is not such a big problem. There are bigger problems.
There are people so dull, so dead, so insensitive, that they only feel attracted towards money, or political power, or fame. You are in a far better situation; at least you are not in love with money. Even Ori Oristotle was in a far better situation than the people who are in love with money. But these people are not thought to be perverted. They are the real perverts: money is their whole life, their devotion; money is their god.
You are attracted to women: perfectly good. Go deep into relationship with women. If you make an anxiety out of it you will not be able to go deep in relationship with a woman. If you go deep in relationship with women, my understanding is that sooner or later you will find that this relationship cannot be very fulfilling, because two women are alike. And a relationship needs a certain tension to be fulfilling, a certain polarity to be fulfilling. Two women in love, or two men in love, will have a good relationship, but it will not be very spicy. It will be a little dull, monotonous, a little boring.
But if you go deeply, only then will you become aware of these things. Your anxiety will not allow you to go deep, and then your whole life you will remain interested and attracted towards women.
My approach about all problems is that if anything is there, go deeply into it, so either you find the treasure, if it has any treasure, or you find that it is empty. In both cases you are enriched. If you find the treasure, of course you are enriched. If you find it is empty, you are finished with it.
Two women in relationship can’t have a very great love affair. It will remain on plain ground; it will not have heights and it will not have depths. So people who are afraid of heights and depths will find it very comfortable, convenient. Hence the homosexuals are called “gay.” They look gay; they look far more gay than heterosexuals.
Heterosexuals are always going into turmoil — more conflict, more fight, less understanding. It is bound to be so, because two women can understand each other far better than one man and one woman can understand each other. Two men can understand each other far better because they are of the same type, but the spark will be missing. Yes, a certain gayness will be there, but not great poetry, not great romance — mild. The relationship will be homeopathic. It will not have adventure, surprises: safe, secure, more understanding, less conflict, less nagging.
With a man and a woman there are problems…problems of misunderstanding. They live in totally different worlds; they are two different poles of consciousness. The woman thinks intuitively, the man thinks intellectually, hence there is no meeting.
Go as deeply as possible in your relationships with women — don’t be worried. Soon you will see that there is a different kind of relationship that can exist only between polar opposites. Then go into a deep relationship with a man, because only by going deep in relationship with a man will you be able to know that all relationships fall short. Even the man/woman relationship falls short; it never brings you the contentment it promises.
Only through your own experience — not by what Buddha says, not by what I say…only through your own experience will you one day be able to go beyond all relationships. Then you can be happy alone. And the person who can be happy alone is really an individual. If your happiness depends on the other, you are a slave; you are not yet free, you are in bondage.
When you are happy alone, when you can live with yourself, there is no intrinsic necessity to be in relationship. That does not mean that you will not relate. But to relate is one thing, and to be in relationship is quite another. Relationship is a kind of bondage, relating is sharing. You will relate with many people, you will share your joy with many people, but you will not depend on anyone in particular and you will not allow anybody else to depend on you. You will not be dependent, and you will not allow anybody to be dependent on you. Then you live out of freedom, out of joy, out of love.
Enjoy it, it is good …not enough but still good. It will lead you into heterosexual relationship; that is a little better. Even that is not going to satisfy. Then that will lead you into meditativeness, into solitude, into that beauty, that benediction, which happens only when you are alone.
[Be Still and Know]