1. One night, Mulla Nasrudin’s father noticed a light in his barn. He went to see what it was all about and he found Nasrudin with a lantern, all dressed up.
“What are you doing all dressed up and with that lantern?” asked his father.
“I am going to call on my girlfriend, Dad,” said Nasrudin. “I have got to go through the woods and it is dark.”
“When I was your age calling on my wife for the first time,” said the father, “I went through the woods without a lantern.”
“I KNOW,” said Nasrudin, “BUT LOOK WHAT YOU GOT, DAD!”
2. The young father was pushing the crying baby down the street with what appeared to be absolute calm and self-assurance. People on the street could hear what he was saying as he passed.
“Take it easy, Nasrudin,” he said. “Don’t let it get you down, Nasrudin, you will soon be safe back home. Things will be all right, Nasrudin, if you just keep calm.”
One motherly type woman waiting for a bus, heard and saw the young father and said to him, “I think you are wonderful the way you are taking care of the baby.” Then she leaned over to the baby and said, “Now, don’t cry, Nasrudin, everything is going to be all right.”
“LADY,” said the father, “YOU HAVE GOT IT ALL WRONG. HIS NAME IS TOMMY — I AM NASRUDIN.”
3. Mulla Nasrudin was getting ready to apply to a local department store for a job. A friend told him that it was the policy of the store to hire nobody but Catholic Christians, and that if he wanted a job there, he would have to lie about being a Catholic Christian.
Nasrudin applied for the job and the personnel man asked him the usual questions. Then he said to the Mulla, “And what church do you belong to?”
“I am a Catholic,” said Nasrudin. “And all my family are Catholics. IN FACT, MY FATHER IS A PRIEST AND MY MOTHER IS A NUN, SIR.”
4. Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were gossiping about the recent wedding scandal.
“Just think,” said the wife, “it was just as the bride was coming down the aisle that the groom suddenly turned and ran from the church and skipped town. I guess he lost his nerve.”
“OH, I DON’T THINK SO,” said the Mulla. “I FIGURE HE FOUND IT.”
5. Mulla Nasrudin went to see his lawyer about a divorce.
“What grounds do you think you have for a divorce?” the lawyer asked.
“It’s my wife’s manners,” said the Mulla. “She has such bad table manners that she is disgracing the whole family.”
“That’s bad,” the lawyer said. “How long have you been married?”
“Nine years,” said the Mulla.
“If you have been able to put up with her table manners for nine years, I can’t understand why you want a divorce now,” the lawyer said.
“WELL,” said Nasrudin, “I DIDN’T KNOW IT BEFORE. I JUST BOUGHT A BOOK OF ETIQUETTE THIS MORNING.”
6. Mulla Nasrudin called on a psychiatrist and told him that he had problems and needed help.
“I want to talk to you,” said the Mulla, “because my ethics have not been what they should be and my conscience is bothering me.”
“I understand,” the psychiatrist said, “and you want me to help you build up a stronger will power, is that it?”
“NO,” said Nasrudin, “THAT’S NOT IT. I WANT YOU TO TRY TO WEAKEN MY CONSCIENCE.”
7. Mulla Nasrudin was drinking too much. So much that it began to worry his friends. Finally, they figured out a plan to cure him. The plan was for one of them to dress up like a devil, with horns and a pitchfork. They planned to scare the Mulla into giving up drink.
Late one night,as Nasrudin headed home drunk, his friend jumped from behind a tree and shouted, “You will have to stop drinking!”
“Who are you?” asked the Mulla.
“I am the devil,” said his friend.
“OH, YOU ARE THE DEVIL,” said Nasrudin. “I AM GLAD TO MEET YOU. I AM THE GUY WHO MARRIED YOUR SISTER.”
8. Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were lying on the green grass beside a country road. Above them was the warm sun. Birds were singing in the trees. It was quiet, restful, and a peaceful scene.
“Boy,” said the Mulla, “right now I would not change places with anybody not for a million dollars.”
“How about five million, Mulla?” asked his friend.
“No, not even for five million,” said the Mulla.
“Well,” said the other, “how about one dollar?”
Mulla Nasrudin sat up. “WELL,” he said, “THAT’S DIFFERENT. NOW YOU ARE TALKING REAL MONEY.”
9. Mulla Nasrudin limped into a doctor’s office with a badly swollen ankle.
“Goodness, Man,” said the doctor, after looking at Nasrudin’s ankle, “how long has it been in this condition?”
“About three weeks,” said the Mulla.
“Why, this ankle is broken,” said the doctor. “Why didn’t you come to me right away?”
“Well, I sort of hesitated,” said the Mulla, “BECAUSE EVERY TIME I SAY ANYTHING IS WRONG WITH ME, MY WIFE INSISTS THAT I STOP SMOKING.”
10. Mulla Nasrudin and his neighbour were greeting each other.
“Good morning,” said the Mulla. “You are looking fine this morning.”
“I am sorry I can’t say the same thing for you,” said the neighbour.
“YOU COULD,” said Nasrudin, “IF YOU WERE AS BIG A LIAR AS I AM.”