OSHO,EXCEPT FOR SHORT GLIMPSES, I AM UNABLE TO FIND ANY LASTING MEANING IN IT. MOST OF THE TIME I’M HANGING IN A BOTTOMLESS, QUITE FRIGHTENING, UNCOMFORTABLE “NOWHERE.” WHAT IS WRONG? PLEASE COMMENT.
The whole problem is rooted in the desire of attaining a permanent meaning for life. Life is not a problem at all, but we expect things which are against the fundamental law of life and then we are in trouble. Life is constantly changing and it is good that it is constantly changing; that’s its beauty, its splendor. If it were permanent, static, it would be not life but death and it would be utterly boring. It would stink because it would be stagnant. And the mind is constantly asking for something permanent. The mind is the desire for the permanent, and life is impermanence.
Hence if you really want to be blissful you have to live the impermanent life as it is, without any expectation, without any imposition on your part. Flow with life. It changes — you change with it. Why bother about a permanent meaning? What will you do with a permanent meaning?
And meaning exists only when something functions as a means to some other end. Life is not a means to some other end, it is an end unto itself, hence really it cannot have any meaning. That does not mean it is meaningless, it simply means it is transcendental to meaning or no-meaning. Those words are irrelevant.
What is the meaning of a rose flower? And what is the meaning of a sunset? What is the meaning of love? What is the meaning of beauty? There are no meanings because they are not means to anything else. A sunset is simply beautiful just for its own sake; it has no utility, you cannot use it as a commodity. A car has meaning, a machine has meaning, a house has meaning, but what is the meaning of a rose flower? There is no meaning in it, but because there is no meaning in it it has tremendous beauty. A machine, howsoever meaningful, is never beautiful; it can’t be — it is a commodity, it is utilitarian; it is not poetry.
Life is poetry, life is a song, life is a dance.
Gayan, your very approach is wrong, that’s why you go on missing.
You say: EXCEPT FOR SHORT GLIMPSES, I AM UNABLE TO FIND ANY LASTING MEANING IN IT.
Just meditate over those short glimpses. Those glimpses must have happened when you were not seeking for meaning, when you were relaxed, when you had forgotten all about meaning, when you were not concerned about meaning. Then suddenly there was joy, there was bliss. The moment you start grabbing, clinging to those beautiful glimpses, those moments, the moment your mind says, “Make it permanent. Now this is the thing that I have been always asking for, now don’t let it go,” you destroy it, you kill it. The glimpse disappears; it remains only a memory and it goes on fading far away. Soon you will not be able even to believe that it had existed. It will happen again only when you have forgotten again the constant desire for meaning, the constant desire for permanency, the constant desire that things should be according to you.
No, that is not the way of a sannyasin, Gayan. A sannyasin has no expectations from existence; he simply flows with the existence without any resistance. The sannyasin allows existence to have its own course; wherever it leads, the sannyasin is ready to go with it. The sannyasin has no destination, no goal as such. And then these glimpses will be coming more and more.
But you have to meditate on these glimpses — when they happen, how they happen, what makes them happen. And you will find a few essential things: you are relaxed when they happen, you are at rest when they happen, you have no desire when they happen, you are not greedy when they happen, you are not thinking of meaning, significance, value when they happen. There is the secret. Drop all these hindrances forever. Let life exist according to its own harmony; simply be a part in it, just a wave in the ocean. Don’t try to dominate the ocean; that very effort is an ego trip.
Meditate over Murphy’s maxim: If you don’t care where you are you ain’t lost.
And also: Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t get worse.
Rejoice! And why be afraid of the “nowhere”? Everywhere is nowhere. Wherever you are it is nowhere. Existence is infinite, so you will always be in the nowhere. You have to accept it. Buddha calls it tathata — suchness. Such is the case: wherever you are it is nowhere, whoever you are you are a nobody.
Once these truths are accepted, life starts happening in a totally different way, because in this acceptance the ego dies. The ego can exist only through resistance, through fight, through struggle.
That’s what you have been doing, Gayan. But it is nothing special about you, that’s how the whole German mind is conditioned.
It will happen, Gayan, it is going to happen. If glimpses are happening then there is no problem. If once in a while a few windows open then doors will also open, and you can escape through those windows into the open sky. But you are too much after becoming perfect. Drop that idea. Imperfection is perfectly good. Don’t try to do the impossible. Just being ordinary is immensely beautiful.
But I can see her problems: she has worked as a fashion model so she has the idea of how to be perfectly beautiful. Those things have gone deep into her. She is a perfectionist, so wherever she has been in these two and a half years she has come into conflict with people. Because this place is not for perfectionists, this place is a crazy place — it is absolutely un-German! And the problem is that I have got so many German sannyasins! And I can understand why the German government is so worried, because I am destroying their young people — I am destroying their conditioning as Germans. Once they have been sannyasins, once they have understood the art of being a sannyasin, no Adolf Hitler can ever dominate them; that is impossible.
Perfectionism is a kind of neurosis; it is neurotic — it is a beautiful name for neurosis. Gayan, drop that idea. Just be ordinary, simple, nobody, and then things will start happening in leaps and bounds.
That’s what I mean when I emphasize again and again the philosophy of let-go. Let-go is my only approach towards life and existence.
[Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen]