How to bring Warmth in the Family

By Osho Siddhartha, Posted on May 15, 2009


I agree that families are on the boundary line of splitting. Today no son has respect for his father that much, which his father had for his father. You yourself see that how much attached you are to your father. How much respect do you have for your father? Do you respect that much which your father had for his father? You will see that there has been a dilution. There has been a lot of dilution. You yourself will see that how attached you were to your family, is your son that much attached to you? Then you will find dilution. There is no second thought that families are breaking. The relationships in a family are becoming dull.

Family has broken down and no other belongingness has remained. Man is lonely. He is broken down. I feel that till alternative evolves, we should revive our family and find out the reasons why families are braking?

One who will get disconnected from his origin, his source, will get disconnected from everywhere slowly and gradually. What is our source?

Our culture, our ancient culture of India, is unique. Why were the families joint in India in past? Every family was linked with some master. If there used to be any split in any family, or any crack was formed in a family, then the family members used to go to their master. They used to go to seek advice from their master that what should be done? And whatsoever the master used to say, whatever master used to advice, people used to obey that. In today’s families there is no such elder person. There is no such person with whom whole family is attached, whom everyone obeys, and with whom we can go and share our problems. Our basic cultural stream is linked with some or the other enlightened person. You will be surprised that we all used to have a gotra. Some are having Bharadwaj gotra, some shandilya gotra. Do you know that from where did this gotra come? This gotra came from the master of the family. Where kulguru was Shandilya, his gotra was Shandilya. Whose kulguru was Bhardwaj, his gotra was Bharadwaj. But today there is no such master, or elder person who advices us, who guides us. As a matter of fact, in ancient India the family or person who had no master, people used to look at him with downward vision, they used to call him as nigura. Today ladies use this word nigura as abusive word. In some villages this word nigura has turned to nigoda. 'Nigoda kahi ka' – person without a master. If families are breaking down then the reason is we have got disconnected from the tradition of master which existed in past. Once again if we want warmth in family, then every family will have to get connected to an enlightened person, to some master. I feel very happy to share this fact that people come in our program and they share that they had decided to take divorce. Somebody suggested them to attend Osho Dhara program first, and thereafter they changed their mind. There is a place called Ramgadba in Bihar at Nepal border. A couple had come from there. They had decided to take divorce. Their friends advised them that before taking divorce, before filing the papers in the court, just attend the program of Osho Dhara. So they came but they would not live in the same room. Since the number of participants was more, we had to make them live in the same room. At night the manager of the ashram came and said that the woman is breaking her head against the wall and was insisting to have separate accommodation. So she was given another room in the night itself. On third day when Anand Pragya program got completed that lady came and said please give us the same room. When the program was completed on ninth day, I asked the lady, "What is your opinion now? Do you want to file the papers in court?" She replied, “No, no, I have already torn those papers." I asked, "Are you not seeing any shortcomings in your husband now?" She replied, “No, my husband is very loving." I asked the husband, “What is your view?” He replied, “A wife like this can not be found elsewhere." Now the wife is same who was breaking her head against her husband; husband is the same who had signed the papers of divorce. But the same husband is now finding beauty and sweetness in his wife and the same wife is looking at the qualities of her husband. This incident took place a few years ago but even today when I see both husband and wife, I see their daughter, I see a sweetness amongst them, I see warm relationship between them and many people from their village came for attending program by observing changes in both of them. This is not only the story of one family.

I will give one more example. There is one Swami Vijay in Sunauli border in Nepal. He came and said, "My mind does not get involved in meditation." I inquired, "What is the matter?" He replied “I have ulcer in stomach. In fact, name any disease and it is within my body. Mind always remains disturbed." Then in Anand Pragya program, in the session of right vision, he shared that he has not spoken to his mother for last 25 years. I asked, "Why have you not spoken?" He said, "When I was young, my mother asked me to look after my younger sister. I myself was a kid and I was engrossed in playing game and my sister fell into a small ditch. My mother came and slapped me from back. Even I got angry and I slapped my mother and after that we both don’t speak with each other." For 25 years mother and son had not spoken to each other. I said, "If you don’t suffer from disease then who else will suffer? Can anyone get connected to God by getting disconnected to his own mother? For 25 years you are living without getting linked to your mother? How can you live?" And when the session ended he went and called up his mother and said, "I am Vijay." The mother asked, "Son, are you fine? It seems you are in a mountain of problems. You are speaking after 25 years. Should I come?" The son replied, "No, you don’t need to come. I am fine now. The mountain of trouble has not come; mountain of trouble has now gone away. I am myself coming to meet you." His mother had cancer. Definitely who has got disconnected to his son, cancer had to appear. But now son carried on fine treatment of his mother. He took her to Kathmandu. The life which she lived for last three months, she passed away with great peace, she passed away very happily and today his family is very contented. When he had got disconnected to his mother, he got disconnected to his brother, to his father, but today all of them are very happy.

This is not only the story of one or two families. Many of the families coming in Osho Dhara had got split or were on the verge of splitting. But they came, did Anand Pragya program and got connected with a living master. Thereafter everything changed. They learnt the art of living blissfully and after that they started leading a new life. When we see their smiling faces, by looking at the change which has taken place in their life, we feel rewarded.

Although, most of the people come in our program for spiritual quest, but there is a big segment of those people who come here because of the changes they have observed in the lives of our participants.

You have asked that what can be done so that friendliness and love can be brought back once again. Only one thing can be done. You can invite them to at least attend Anand Pragya program of Osho Dhara. Remember one thing if we are splitting then it is not any body else’s fault. Definitely there is some shortcoming within us. The day you will know the manner of speaking, what is within us which fights with others, quarrels with others, how our friendship should develop, love should develop, on that day the rays of love and friendliness will spread in your life.

Generally the biggest reason of our splitting is that we have highlighted the revenge a lot as if it is very nice to take revenge. All the stories, all novels, all T. V serials have highlighted revenge a lot. As a result every person is upset with other person and every person wants to take revenge against the other one. No, there is a need to change this conditioning. Here in all stories you see that how a villain harms the hero and then how hero takes revenge from villain and whole cinema hall gets filled with the audience’s applause. In fact, all the people who are clapping want to take revenge from someone somewhere. That is a different thing that due to the fear of police or due to lack of courage they are unable to take revenge. Therefore, when some hero takes revenge from villain they too start clapping in his favor. Our community has been based on revenge; our people are based on revenge. But family cannot sustain like this. But the day when you will come to know that it should be based on love, love should be the center, bliss should be the center, on that day once again the stream of love and warmth can flow within the families –

Pyar ki baat zamane mein nirali dekhi,

Pyar se pyar ki falti hui dali dekhi,

Pyar insan ko insan bana deta hai,

Pyar pathar ko bhi bhagwan bana deta hai.

I want that we should think about the re-construction of family and community and this re-construction should be based on the new vision – based on the vision of Osho – which will be based on the triangle of freedom, love and respect. We should respect the freedom of the one whom we love. We should only do one thing- we should respect the one we love. Generally when we love, we don’t want to give freedom and whom we want to give freedom we can't love that person. if we imply this vision of Osho in our life that we respect the freedom of the one we love, then one humanity can be created, such kind of human can be created who will create healthy family, who will give rise to healthy community, who will give rise to great India. New human about whom Osho is speaking that new human is that who lives on the triangle of freedom, respect and love. Who gets connected with meditation from within because love will arise only when he meditates within. You will have a dip within. The meaning of meditation is love with self. So begin journey from there, love yourself, Love and respect freedom of your neighbors, your family members, people of your group, and people of your village. Those who are around you – mother, father, brother, husband, son love them. But do one more thing whom you love, respect his freedom. Only implement these two three small sutras then you will see a family of Osho’s dreams, community of Osho’s dreams, village of Osho’s dream and we will be able to create India of Osho’s dreams.
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