Autobiography of a Lama

By (unknown), Posted on Sep 15, 2009

A very famous Lama has written in his autobiography, "When I was five years old, I was sent to a university to study. At that time I was just five years old. In the evening my father told me that the next morning I would be sent to the university. And he said, 'Neither I nor your mother will be there to say goodbye to you. Your mother will not be there because there will be tears in her eyes, and if you see her crying then you will go on looking back at her and there has never been a man in our family who looks back. I also will not be there because after getting on the horse if you look back even once, then you will be my son no longer, then the doors of this house will be closed to you forever. The servants will say farewell to you tomorrow morning. Remember, do not look back after getting on the horse. There has never been a person in our family who has looked back.'
Such an expectation from a child of five years old! The five-year child was woken up at four o'clock in the morning and put on a horse. The servants bade him farewell. As he left even a servant said, "My child! Be careful! You can be seen until the crossroad, your father is watching from upstairs. Do not look back before the crossroad. All the children in this house have departed this way but no one has looked back." And the servant also told him, "The place where you are being sent is not an ordinary university. The greatest men of the country have studied at that university. There will be a very difficult entrance examination. So, whatever happens, try in every way to pass the entrance examinations, because if you fail there will be no place for you in this house."
Such harshness with a five year old child! He sat on the horse. In his autobiography he wrote that as he sat on the horse, "tears started flowing from my eyes, but how could I look back to the house, to my father? I was leaving for the unknown. I was so small, but I could not look back, because nobody in my house had ever looked back. If my father should see it then I would be banned from my house for ever. So I controlled myself and looked forward. I never looked back."
Something is being created in this child. Some will power, some life-energy, is being awakened in this child which can strengthen his navel system. This father is not hard; this father is very loving. And all the mothers and fathers who seem to be loving are wrong, they are weakening all the inner centers. No strength, no determination is being created within.
The child reached the school. He was a five-year-old child -- it could not be known what his capacities would be. The principal of the school said, "The entrance test here is difficult. Sit near the door with your eyes closed and do not open them until I come back -- whatever happens. This is your entrance test. If you open your eyes then we will send you back, because one who does not have even this much strength in himself to sit with his eyes closed for a while cannot learn anything. The door to learning has closed. Then you are not worthy. Go and do something else." All this to a small child of five years...!
He sat near the entrance with his eyes closed. Flies started disturbing him, but he knew that he must not open his eyes because once he opened his eyes the matter would be over. The other children were coming in and out of the school, somebody started pushing him, somebody started disturbing him, but he was determined not to open his eyes, else the whole thing would be spoiled. And he remembered his servants telling him that if he failed the entrance test then his father's house was closed to him forever.
One hour passed, two hours passed -- he sat with closed eyes afraid that even by mistake he might open them. There were many temptations to open his eyes: the road was busy, children were running around, flies were harassing him, some children were pushing him and throwing pebbles at him. He wanted to open his eyes to see if his master had come. One hour passed, two hours passed, three hours, four hours -- he sat there for six hours!
After six hours the master came and said, "My child, your entrance test is over. Come in, you will become a youth of strong will. You have the determination within you to do whatsoever you want. To sit for five to six hours with closed eyes at this age is a big thing!" The master hugged him and said, "Don't be worried, those children were told to harass you. They were told to disturb you a little so that you would be tempted to open your eyes!"
The Lama wrote, "At that time I thought I was being treated very harshly, but now at the end of my life I am full of gratefulness towards those people who were hard on me. They awakened something in me, some dormant strength became active."
We are doing the opposite. We say, "Don't be angry at the children, don't beat them!" Now all over the world corporal punishment has been absolutely stopped. A child cannot be struck; no physical punishment can be given to a child. This is not wise because a punishment is out of love, it is not given with enmity. Those children who are given some kind of punishment get their centers awakened within them. Within them the spine is straightened and strengthened. A determination arises within them. Anger and pride also arise and an inner strength is born and grows.
We are creating people without spines who can only crawl on the earth and cannot fly in the sky like eagles. We are creating a creeping crawling man who has no spine. And we think that we are doing it out of compassion and love and morality.
We teach man not to become angry, we teach him not to express any intensity, we teach him to become weak and wishy-washy.
There can be no soul in the life of this man. There can be no soul within this man because he cannot have the intense feelings of the heart inside him which are needed for the soul.
In my vision the first thing that has to be understood is that all the qualities of our personalties, of our hearts, should develop rightly. Intense anger has a beauty of its own which may not be apparent to us. Intense anger has a radiance, an energy, a meaning. It contributes to the personalty in its own way. All the feelings of the heart should be intensely developed.
So the first point is that the qualities of the heart should be developed not destroyed.
What is the second point? The second point is that there should be awareness but no suppression. The more we suppress the feelings of the heart, the more it becomes unconscious.
We lose sight of whatever we suppress; it moves into darkness. All the energies of the heart should be clearly looked at. If you feel angry don't try to suppress it by chanting 'Rama, Rama'. If you feel angry, sit alone in a room, close the door, and meditate on the anger. See the anger totally -- "What is this anger? What is the energy of this anger? From where does this anger arise? Why does it arise? How does it surround my mind and influence me?"
In aloneness meditate on anger. See the anger totally, understand it, recognize it. From where does it arise? Why does it arise? Then slowly, slowly you will become a master of the anger. And the person who becomes a master of his anger has great power, great strength. He becomes strong, he becomes a master of himself.
So it is not a question of fighting with the anger, it is a question of knowing the anger -- because, remember, there is no greater energy than knowing, and there is no greater stupidity than fighting with one's own energies. One who is fighting with his own energies is committing the same mistake as a man who is wrestling with his own hands. If one hand is wrestling with the other, no hand will ever be able to win, because they both belong to the same person. The energy is flowing in both hands and if there is a fight between these two hands the energy will be dissipated. There can be no question of winning. In this kind of fight you will be defeated. All your energy will be wasted.
Whose energy is in the anger? It is your own energy. The energy is yours but you are the one who is fighting it. If you divide yourself and fight, then you will go on breaking apart, you will disintegrate, you will not be a whole person. For the person who fights with himself there can be no attainment in life other than defeat. There cannot be. It is impossible. Do not fight. Know your own energies, recognize them, be acquainted with them.
So the second point is not suppression but awareness. Do not suppress, whenever, whatever, energy may arise within you. We are a collection of unknown energies. We are the center of very unknown energies, with which we have no acquaintance, of which we have no awareness. Thousands of years ago, when thunderbolts would strike the earth, man used to become afraid. He would fold his hands and say, "Oh God! Have you become angry? What happened?" He used to be afraid, the thunderbolt was a cause of fear. But today we know about electricity, we have enslaved it, so today it is not a cause of fear, rather it has become a slave. In every house it gives light, it helps the sick to be treated, it keeps machines operating. The whole life of man is influenced by it, run by it. Man has become a master of electricity. But for thousands of years man used to be afraid because he did not know what electricity was. Once we came to know what it was, then we became its master.

Knowing makes one a master. Within us many energies greater than electricity are alight, they shine. Anger glows, hatred glows, love glows. We become afraid of what is happening because we do not know what all these energies are.
Make your life an inner laboratory and start knowing all these powers within -- watch them, recognize them. Never suppress even by mistake, never be afraid even by mistake, but try to know whatever is within. If anger comes, then feel fortunate and be thankful to the person who has made you angry. He has given you an opportunity -- some energy has arisen within you and now you can look at it. Look at it silently, in aloneness; search to see what it is.
The more your knowing grows, the deeper your understanding will become. The more you become a master of your anger, the more you will find that it is under your control. The day you become a master of your anger is the day you can transform it.
We can transform that of which we are a master; we cannot change that of which we are not a master. And remember , you can never be a master of something you fight with because it is impossible to become a master of an enemy, one can only be a master of a friend. If you become an enemy of the energies within yourself, then you can never become a master of them. You can never win without love or friendship.
Neither be afraid nor condemn the infinite treasure of enemies within; start recognizing what is hidden within you.
So much is hidden within man -- there is no limit. We are not even yet at the beginning of humanity. Perhaps after ten or twenty-five thousand years the man who is on the earth will be as far away from us as monkeys are now. A totally new race can evolve.
But mankind is losing these qualities. All the radiance, all the courage and strength of man is being destroyed -- and we think that we are giving him a good education! But this is not the case; the children are developing in a very wrong way, nothing of a real human being grows inside them.
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